No Excuses For Domestic Violence
Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced dating violence. Teenage partner abuse comes in many forms, such as physical battery, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and date rape.
Dating violence experts say the main problem is that many victims fail to see the slow escalation and feel overly nostalgic about “the good times,” often internalizing guilt, being manipulated into staying or expecting their partners to “change.” The insidious nature of these crimes is that manipulation keeps many victims silent, self-denial keeps many perpetrators repeatedly offending and fear of the unknown keeps many abusive relationships thriving.
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Once you’ve “been through so much,” where do you draw the line on violence against women and say “enough is enough?” Over time, as patterns emerge, it’s natural for one to lose sight of reality.
It seems like “everyone fights” or is involved in some drama, yet that doesn’t make it ok. You do not ever have to be someone’s physical or emotional punching bag. There are so many other possible partners out there, don’t think you have to settle, especially so young.
If your partner shoves, slaps, hits or punches you, then get out! If you fear bringing up certain topics, feel you’re walking on egg shells or that you’re a prisoner in your own home and suspect he’s listening in on your phone calls, then escape while you still can!
If he’s accusing you of cheating, giving you “the look,” calling you disparaging names or shouting at you, then remember that you don’t have to put up with his abuse.
There are many early warning signs of dating violence that should not be overlooked. Your partner may become abusive if he shows extreme jealousy and cites an ex-girlfriend as his rationale for reacting that way.
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Many abusive relationships happen in a whirlwind, with immediate attraction, obsession and physical involvement. Often, the aggressor will exhibit unpredictable mood swings, explosive anger, hypersensitivity, anxiety or depression. Many violent individuals are substance abusers who have a past history of family violence and are cruel to animals.
Seeking an intervention through one of the hotlines may be your best recourse.
Note that intervention programs do not work in violent relationships. If you are being physically abused repeatedly, then get out! However, if you feel attached to your long-term partner, who may have just had one episode or who speaks to you in hurtful ways, then you may recommend intervention counseling and couples therapy.
The weekly counseling sessions generally last for at least 16 weeks and aim to hold him accountable, address the root of his problem, educate about dating violence, change attitudes and beliefs about resorting to violence, explore patterns of violence, teach non-violent techniques for communication, achieve equality within the relationship, encourage community participation and help manage stress.
You’ll know that the abuser is changing his ways if he stops acting violently and threatening, if he understands he has no right to control you, if you are no longer afraid when you are with him, if he does not force you to have sex, if you can express your anger without being intimidated, if he stops blaming you and if he respects your opinions.
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If your partner uses the following lines, then you will know he is not on the road to recovery: “I’m not the only one who needs counseling.” “I’m not as bad as a lot of other guys in there.” “As soon as I’m done with the program, I’ll be cured.” “We need to stay together to work this out.”
He may try to say that yelling or smashing things is “his release,” but these abusive behaviors just aren’t normal.
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