Is Your Man Withdrawing? Your Sex Life Dying ? Read This And Fix It!
There is no doubt in my mind that one of the most awful feelings in the world is the feeling you get when you feel your relationship is doomed and there is nothing you can do. SO many women go through this – myself included – and we struggle to find some relationship advice for women that will help. Well, there is light at the end of the tunnel – there are several things you can start doing right now to mend your relationship so you can Have the Relationship You Want.
For me – the realization came when I figured out that my husband and I had not had sex in MONTHS. We were not having sex , we were not affectionate toward each other, we were just floating along in this awful rift that developed between us. Neither one of us seemed able to bridge it without a sickening awkwardness that should not exist inside of a relationship. Lucky for us, I found some great relationship advice by a relationship coach named Coach Rori Raye.
What I learned really shocked me. One of the first things that I learned was that intimacy takes a dive inside a union because one or maybe even both partners feel insecure. YOU feel unsafe as a woman because you do not feel loved in some aspect – which leads to resentment has building up, which in turn, leads to intimacy feeling weird, like it’s with someone you do not know or love, someone who does not know your body and your needs. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all.
For the man, anger builds up inside him because you get distant, which you probably don’t even realize you are doing since you are focused on your own pain, which makes HIM in turn feel unsafe. He, of course, is a MAN and has no idea what is going on in your head or your heart. He just gets angry , and ends up being judgmental or withdrawn because of that anger. Can you see the pattern here?
So what you end up with is a situation where you both desire love and intimacy, but you both feel unsafe, abandoned and emotionally wounded .
I learned a simple 4 step procedure from Coach Rori Raye in her Have the Relationship You Want series. The first step you have to take in order to turn your relationship around is to BECOME AWARE of the things you do, say and how you act at all times. Keep a journal if that helps, write down what your thought process is and what you are feeling in circumstances that come up throughout the day.
Second – become aware of times when YOU say or do things that would make you feel affronted, unsafe or angry if it were something your mate or partner said to you. By the way – have you ever wondered if perhaps men were just a little bit more sensitive than we are? I think this is true – they need our unflagging support to feel like the MEN we want them to be.
Next, Coach Rori Raye tells us to open ourselves up. You will especially need to really work on this if you do not feel safe enough to be intimate with him. Put your head on the block (or your heart as it were) and open up, become vulnerable to him. He may surprise you and give you what you need, or he may take that opportunity to lash out at you – but whatever choice he makes, he will eventually come to see these situations for what they are.
This is a great segue for step four, which is possibly the most important and counterintuitive step -be prepared for his (and your own) anger. When your relationship is beginning to heal, the fury that you have each been squirreling away inside is going to come out – like a volcano erupting or a hose leaking. When he finally erupts, use “I feel” statements to turn his anger – do not attack him back or accuse him – let his anger come. Remain calm, express your feelings and let the healing begin.
Then the miracle occurs – the rainbow after the storm. After you let him express himself without drawing blood – he will begin the process of fully returning to the relationship. He will start to feel secure, he will begin to laugh again and be loving towards you. Then YOU will start to feel safe. And the enchantment … comes back to life.
This truly saved my marriage. This simple, yet effective relationship advice allowed my husband and I to re-forge the bridge that had collapsed and return to a loving, happy relationship. It was not easy – it was hard work! But it was the advice from Rori Raye that saved us. There is no reason at all she cannot help you to Have the Relationship You Want and help you learn all about what really goes on between men and women that might save you from returning to this place in the future, as well.
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