Sharing the Bill while on a Singles Date
GET 5 Euro FREE FOR INTERNATIONAL CALLS!Who should pay the bill?
After 10 years of being single, I have started dating a gentlemen who is financially secure and definitely making more money than me. I need advice on how to handle paying the tab when we go out. I feel uncomfortable letting him pay for everything. However, if I insist on paying my half, or even paying for the whole bill, I will have to limit the activities that we do together. How do I politely decline functions that I feel I cannot afford, without appearing uninterested in being with him? Should I discuss this with him? If so, how do I do that without making it appear as if I want him to pay for it? –labottor Being single for 10 years, I met a woman who is financially secure and who makes a very nice living. Please explain how to pay the bill at dinner or other venues. I cannot afford to constantly pay both bills for the activities we do together. Should I say no to dates if I cannot afford spending money on both of us? Should I tell her my financial situation? I don’t want to turn her off from me because of my income. Help! –Mike
Here’s some advice that’s free. Yes, level with the gentleman about your money concerns, but first make sure you understand their origins. Does your discomfort stem from worry that if he pays on the one level you’ll be required to “pay” on another? Or are you uncomfortable with being cast in the traditional woman’s role? Or do you simply like to feel that everything is equitable? I guess you would like some free advice. I would say, yes, tell her about the issues and maybe try to find some less expensive dates. You have to be honest with yourself and her. If she does not accept your financial situation, then ultimately, she does not care about you (sorry to say).
Once you examine where you’re at on this issue, initiate an honest, non-threatening cash-oriented talk. Have some possible solutions in mind: You let him treat you to expensive functions while he lets you treat him to home-cooked dinners, movie dates, etc. Plus, you can buy him little treats on occasion: a CD you know he’d like, his favorite author’s new book (out in paperback), etc. In addition, do not be afraid to have a heart to heart talk with her. I think most women will respect your honesty more than deep pockets. Perhaps treat her to more meaningful home cooked meals or movies at home with candle light? Plus, you can get her little treats on occasion such as flowers or even pick your own roses.
While neither of you want to feel that the monetary balance must be tit for tat, you should be able to compromise on a fluid, comfortable way to handle the “who pays, when and for what?” hurdle — one that all couples have to get over at some time or another.
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