Tips From Christian Carter Inside the Mind of a Man – When He Just Wants a Fling
Getting inside the mind of a man, according to Christian Carter, is a completely normal mission for most women. We naturally want to understand what makes him tick, and get behind those eyes into the who what when where and why of him. The problem is, without the right tools and the right insight, many ladies believe they ARE understanding their man, or his motives and reasoning. They think they understand “man-speak” and men’s emotions. But sadly, most of us don’t, even when we think we do.
Usually, this leads to heartache, broken relationships and a trail of tears.
So how CAN a woman get inside the mind of a man, successfully? And what is it that makes a man so fundamentally different than a woman? Is he really so different?
Before we delve into that question, I want to share a question from a reader that I recently got. I have been thinking about her question for a while now and how to best answer it.
She wrote:
Sarah I’d like to ask you a question. I feel completely stuck in a situation and have no idea how to let go because I have become deeply emotionally attached to a man and my feelings towards him are incredibly strong. Because of the nature of the situation it wouldn’t help to tell him how I feel. I’d known him for some time; he recently got a divorce from a 16 yr marriage. There was infidelity from the other side. He was doing some work on my house in February this year and unexpectedly made a move on me. I responded. I was just taken by him after that and assumed that he wanted a relationship with me. I really didn’t figure out straight away that he wanted something purely sexual. I like him and I’m attached so I want more with him. Looking back I remember him casually throwing out ”you and me wouldn’t work we got different tastes in music, you’ve got old decor style”. I didn’t understand what he meant by that at the time because he doesn’t know what music I even like, it was like made up reasons. I didn’t react at the time. For all those months since February those words have bothered me because I don’t know the real reason why he doesn’t want a proper relationship with me. I’m sure he finds me physically attractive. Sarah this is a hard hard situation to be in because I like sex with him so much but I don’t want it to be just that. That so isn’t who I am. I value myself and I like myself but my actions say something different. I had no idea how very strong emotional attachment is and fear to let go. I truly am in not a place I want to be I want more from this. What on earth do I do? Do you believe that these situations can ever become more if so how?
Wanting More
This is such a sad – yet familiar – story! I can sense the emotional pain, as I am sure you can, and I just want to give you a virtual hug! Perhaps what I have to say to you will not be received as a balm to your hurting heart, but hopefully you will take what I am recommending to you with a willingness to give it a try. That is all I can ask.
When I was thinking about this question, I did a little research, turning to Christian Carter’s Inside the Mind of a Man program to refresh myself on some of the valuable lessons I knew were in there. And I finally figured out what was squirming around in the back of my mind.
One of the points that Christian Carter talks about in his Inside the Mind of a Man program is that men and women ARE necessarily opposite – yet, there are more things that make men and women the SAME than things that make them different. Are you following me so far? It’s kind of like Chimpanzees and people – there are a few things that set us significantly apart – yet, people and chimps are more closely related than most people know, only a few sets of genes different, actually.
(Let me make an aside here, however, and note that the DIFFERENCES between men and women ARE essential to know, because if you do not understand the reasoning behind a man and his motivations, actions, wants, perceptions and needs, you will struggle with relationships for the rest of your life.)
So, with that in mind, let me be blunt. He is just after you for sex.
Let’s look at your situation, and try to put ourselves inside his mind. What are the dynamics here? What are you going to find?
First of all, you are going to see that an attractive woman opened herself to a casual, sexual relationship. If that was what you wanted, then that would be fine, but obviously it’s not. You were open to his sexual advances because of your attraction to him, and he was allowed access to things, to parts of you, that he would not otherwise have had access to. You also allowed him to come and go as he pleased, and you did not really respond to his hints that this was just a fling to him.
On top of that, this man has obviously experienced infidelity; he has come from a long term relationship and is probably not ready, in any way, shape or form, to sink his heart and soul into another relationship where he runs the risk of getting hurt again in the same manner.
These are all things we can think of and relate to as if the man were the same as we are. After all, given these circumstances, might we not do the same thing? Before you begin vehemently denying this, are you SURE you have never used anyone? It happens a lot more frequently than we would like to admit, but to stop it – we need to recognize it from BOTH ends.
You asked me, as well, if things were hopeless. No, I don’t believe they are. However, you probably have a long road to walk with this guy and are going to have to remove yourself from him in order to make him want you in more than a purely sexual sense.
This is where men and women really differ. In the situation above, men and women really behave similarly. However, when it comes to attraction and the basis for attraction, men and women are different as night and day. You can learn more about this in Christian Carter’s Inside the Mind of a Man.
Attraction and desire, according to Christian Carter, are products of scarcity. In order to produce scarcity – you have to BE scarce! You will need to show him in a real way that you are a hot commodity – go out with other men, go out with the girls, be unavailable to him when he wants to see you. You also need to quit your physical relationship with him, and tell him that he can no longer have that without giving YOU what YOU want – and if he is ok with that, then be strong enough to let him go. Do not give in and think that you can make him want you with sex. Christian Carter says that men do not attach the same significance to sex as us ladies do.
So, to review – be strong and understand things from his point of view here – he is getting what he wants from you for FREE. You need to put a stop to it and put more value upon yourself by denying him his freebies and by applying yourself to people who WILL give you what you want.
And, like Christian Carter says, best of luck in life and love to you. You will find what you need. If you want to learn more about what goes on inside a man’s mind, click on Inside the Mind of a Man
Love,
Sarah
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